I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
