We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hate all girls vehemently.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
