just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
