Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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