Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
