hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
