apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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