i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
