Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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