Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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