that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
