guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
