Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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