I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
