You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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