Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The uberlube is also flammable
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
