Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
