you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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