I CAN MOONWALK!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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