Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
