If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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