Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
