dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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