i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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