Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
