I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
