Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
