just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
