Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
