You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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