I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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