Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FUCK WHALES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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