This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
