with your own penis?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
