oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
