she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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