You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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