you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize