So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
