i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
