Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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