i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
