I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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