I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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