My liver just broke up with me...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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