Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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