Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
