I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
