omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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