I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
