Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
