Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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