you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
