I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
