Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
