life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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