we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
