I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
