there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
