dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
