im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
