I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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