she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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