Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
