just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
