Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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