True but thats because hes a fetus.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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