I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
