Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
