The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
